The Ministry of an Elder's Wife

Even though I do believe that the Scriptures teach that a married woman’s primary ministry is to her family, that does not mean that in being a helper to your husband, you lose your personal identity.  When the Lord Jesus saved you, He gave you a spiritual gift, and that gift was given to you for the purpose of “equipping the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.”  (Ephesians 4:12) 

So, I’d like for us to think about our personal ministries.  You may be a gifted teacher and the ministry God has given you is leading Bible studies for women.  That is a wonderful ministry in your local church- helping the women grow in their relationship with the Lord and equipping them to better honor and serve Him.  That is a tremendous help and encouragement to the elders.  But it is not the ministry that God has for every elder’s or full-time worker’s wife.  Learning this has been such a help to me. 

The ministry that the Lord has equipped me for is working with children.  It is what I enjoy and the place where I see the Lord using me most effectively.  But because of other people’s expectations and my own misconceptions, I thought that when my husband was recognized as an elder that I, as an elder’s wife, had to give up teaching children to work with the women.  I really struggled with that.  But the Lord has shown me that the little lambs are as much a part of the flock as the older sheep and that they are very valuable to the Good Shepherd.  One of the best ways I personally can minister to the adults in our assembly is by loving their children and working alongside them as parents to see their children saved and built up in their personal relationship with the Lord.  And helping strengthen the families in our local church is also a help to my husband in his work as an elder.

Perhaps you have the gift of evangelism and God uses you to share the gospel and see people saved and brought into your local fellowship.  Maybe God has given you a ministry of counseling people one-on-one, or a ministry of visitation to provide comfort and encouragement to the believers.  I will never forget how much it meant it to me when I had three children ages 4 and under, to have one of the elder’s wives come to my house during my kids’ nap time once a week just to pray with me.  Now that she’s elderly and unable to get out as much, I am able to return that blessing, and go visit her in her home so we can pray together. 

God has equipped us each individually for the “good works which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)  There is no particular ministry that the Scriptures declare to be the job of the elders’ wives.  One thing that is certain is that God will not give you a ministry that will be in competition with or detract from your husband’s- but will in fact, enhance his ministry because God has called the two of you to serve together as one.

Helping Your Husband Stay Pure

We are continuing to look at some of the qualifications for men who would serve as elders in the local church, and think about how our actions and attitudes as wives can affect our husband’s effectiveness in those areas.  

1 Timothy 3:2

An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach.  

The Husband of One Wife 

One of your responsibilities as a wife is to do what you can to help your husband stay morally pure.  My husband has to travel for his job and I know that many husbands also travel for ministry.  If you’re able to travel with your husband, do it.  Sometimes you are in a situation where you can’t- for example if you have family responsibilities that keep you at home.  If you can’t be with your husband, it is important to communicate daily.  We have an enemy who is trying to destroy our marriages.  Don’t give him the opportunity.  My husband tells me that when he’s away from home, he just needs to know that everything’s okay between us.  A phone call, a text, an email saying, “I love you.  I’m praying you.  We all miss you.”  A note stuck in his suitcase.  Those are small things, but they go a long way in helping your husband in the area of moral purity.  Show affection to him when he’s home.  I know that sometimes when my husband is gone for a few days and gets home, my response is not “Oh, my wonderful husband is home!”; instead, it’s, “Finally!  Your children have been driving me crazy!” He may have been at a place where people appreciated him and made him feel very special.  Don’t let him feel less appreciated at home. 

Not only does he need your physical affection, he needs your emotional support.  The Lord’s work is work.  It can be very draining.  It’s easy to get discouraged.  That’s one reason God has given you to your husband.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”  Ask the Lord to help you be the wife your husband needs in this area.  If things aren’t going well in your marriage, it will affect your entire ministry- individually and as a couple.

Shepherding- a good work

Today we will start considering some of the qualities that the Lord has laid out for men who would serve as elders in the local church, and talk about how our actions and attitudes as wives can affect our husband’s effectiveness in those areas.  

Let’s read together 1 Timothy 3:1-7. 

This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of an overseer, he desires a good work.  An overseer, then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.  Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. 

1 Timothy 3:1.  

If a man desires the position of an overseer, he desires a good work. 

The word “good” here means valuable.  Shepherding the Lord’s people is a very valuable work.  If something is valuable, there’s a cost involved.  The more valuable something is, the greater the cost.  The work of shepherding will not just cost your husband something, it will cost you as well.  

There is a cost in terms of time- not just your personal time, but giving up time with your husband when he has meetings, time when he is away from the family and you are dealing with the children by yourself.  

There is a cost in terms of emotional energy- praying for the believers, counseling those who are struggling spiritually, weeping over those who have gone astray.  

There can be a financial cost- opening your home to people, helping those who are in need.  

If you go into this work with any other motive than doing it for the Lord Himself because He has called you to do it, it is not worth it.  But if this is the ministry that God has given you and your husband, then all of these things can be offered up as a sweet sacrifice to Him.  

Shepherding is the heart of God, and He is looking for men and women after His own heart to carry out this work.  The Good Shepherd loves His sheep.  He laid down His life for them, and He calls us to do the same.

My Influence: A Help or a Hindrance?

As a wife, you are the helper God has given to your husband, and therefore, you are a vital part of his ministry.  You are the person closest to your husband and the one who has the most influence on him. Will you use your influence to be a help or a hindrance to him in his ministry?

Let's think about some of the women in the Bible who influenced their husbands.

The first woman that comes to my mind is the first woman, Eve.  Genesis 3:6- "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate."  It is true that Eve was deceived and her husband sinned willfully.  But how sad that she was the one who provided the opportunity for him to do so.  

Sarah is upheld as an example of a woman who was submissive to her own husband (1 Peter 3:5-6). She encouraged her husband Abraham by setting out alongside him as he obeyed God's call to leave behind everything he knew and follow God's leading to an undisclosed land.  What a blessing for Abraham to have along a supportive and uncomplaining wife as he headed into the unknown.

Unfortunately, it was the influence of this same woman on her husband which brought about the conflict between the Arab and Jewish peoples that we are still experiencing today.  "So Sarai said to Abram, 'See now, the LORD has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.' And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai." (Genesis 16:2) How sad when we fail to look to the Lord and trust Him for His provision, and instead try to "help God out" by coming up with our own cleverly devised schemes.  And even sadder when we convince our husband to go along with our plan instead of seeking the Lord's will.  

Jezebel, the daughter of a king, is best known for the influence she held over her husband.  1 Kings 21:25 tells us, "Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the LORD".  And why was it that Ahab's name became synonymous with wickedness?- "because Jezebel his wife incited him." Her influence pushed her husband farther into lies, murders, and idolatry; and led to God's judgment upon a nation.  

Priscilla and her husband, Aquila. This dynamic duo are never mentioned apart from each other.  They truly functioned as one in the Lord.  Together they were a team that helped build up the early church.  Their home was always open to the believers.  They helped train new believers to be more effective for the Lord- "But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him (Apollos), they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately." (Acts18:26) Paul the apostle calls them both his fellow workers.  Because of Priscilla's support of her husband, the effectiveness of their ministry was overwhelming.

As you can see from the above examples, a wife's influence is never a neutral thing.  You will either be a help or a hindrance to your husband in his ministry.  The choice is yours.

The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 4

1 Timothy 3:11 says, "Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things."  These are some of the qualities that the Lord desires to develop in your life and mine, as the wife of someone in leadership. 

Faithful in all things

The final quality listed in this verse is "faithful in all things".  This means to be trustworthy and reliable.  Proverbs 31:11 says, “the heart of her husband safely trusts her.”  And the hearts of God’s people should be able to do the same.  And why can they trust her? "Because she does him good, and not evil, all the days of her life."  

The people in your local church need to know that you and your husband together want what’s best for them.  Part of this is making yourself available.  First, are you available to your husband to help him when he needs you or is he reluctant to ask anything of you because of how you’ve responded to his requests in the past?  Are you available to the believers?  Many times all someone needs is a listening ear and a friend to pray with. 

Is being available, or allowing your husband to be available, going to be inconvenient?  Yes,it is.  But your time and your selves are things that you can choose to offer up as a sacrifice to the Lord. 

If this is the ministry that the Lord has called you to, He will be faithful to equip you to do it.

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

(1 Thessalonians 5:24)

Practical Help for the Little Broken-Hearted Ones

In the last post, we looked at a broken-hearted child in a broken home.  We looked at Scriptural truths that she can cling to.  When you work with children you know how very real their pain is.  In your heart you say, "Oh, I just wish I could take them all home with me!"  But the reality is that we cannot.   So what are some practical helps we can give them to not just survive, but thrive, in the homes in which God has chosen to place them.

1. First, determine whether the child knows the Lord Jesus as their own Saviour.  Only then will they have the power of God to draw upon to help them have victory through the difficulties of this life.  Remind them that God the Holy Spirit lives in them.  Remind them of how very much God loves them and that they belong to Him.  Remind them of Jesus' promise that He will never leave them nor forsake them.  Remind them that they have been given a new life in Christ to live for His glory.  

2. Encourage the child to be in the Word of God daily and give them a plan to use so they can actually do it.  I have a chart made up that goes through the book of Mark.  It tells what verses to read each day and has a space in which the child can write down one thing that they learn from those verses.  The child only reads about 10 verses each day, so it is very do-able.  You can do that for any book of the Bible.  Ask the child what God has been teaching them from His Word the next time you see them.  

3. Pray with the child right there and then when they talk with you about their situation or difficulty.  Tell them you will continue to pray for them, and then make sure you DO!

4. Encourage the child to pray when the difficulty raises its ugly head again.  Give them suggestions as to how they can pray.  
If it's a people issue, encourage them to pray for the  the person who troubles them.  Encourage them to pray that God will be at work in that person's life for good, and for their salvation.  They can ask God to give them grace and patience to respond to that person in a kind way.  
If it's a circumstance, the child can pray for God to give them wisdom, peace, and the strength to endure.                             

5. I tell the child that people are watching them.  If they say that they know the Lord Jesus as their Saviour, others will watch to see if knowing Christ really makes a difference in a life.  If they can respond to difficulties in a way that honors God, they will have opportunity to tell others about Him.  "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

God is not arbitrary.  He has chosen this home for this child.  He knows what He is doing. He knows what He is preparing them for.   He is using these difficulties in their lives for their good- to grow them to be more like the Lord Jesus.   

Our job is to uphold these little ones in prayer, to be available to counsel and encourage them in the Word of God, and to be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on and arms to wrap around them in love.  

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good 

to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined 

to become conformed to the image of His Son..." 

(Romans 8:28-29)

I know Someone who can mend broken hearts

This world is full of heartache.  It's all around us.  Every person we encounter carries some sort of burden.  Why is that so, and what can be done about it?

I was speaking to a little girl in our after-school Bible club.  She is one of my thinkers.  I asked her what she was thinking about concerning the things we were studying in club.  She told me that she had trusted the Lord Jesus as her Saviour, but there was something that troubled her.  She said, "Every Monday after club I go home and pray to God that I will have a good day...but I never do."  She had tears in her eyes as she spoke.  We talked about her situation at home.  Unfortunately, it is typical of most of the children we work with- she was being raised by her grandmother, her mother was in and out of the picture, she didn't know her father, other cousins were also in and out of the home, she was constantly surrounded by arguing, anger, and frustration.  

Does God hear the cries of this heart-broken little girl?  Does He care?  Why doesn't He do something?

First of all, God does hear. 
Psalm 34:15-  "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry."
Psalm 69:33- "For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise His who are prisoners."

Secondly, He does care.
Mark 10:13-14- "Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.  But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.'"
Mark 9:42- "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea."

So...why doesn't He do something?

To begin with, we must understand that when God created this world it was a perfect, wonderful place.  People are the ones that ruined it.  We are the ones who brought in sin when we chose to disobey God.  There are consequences to sin.  When sin entered the world, it brought with it sorrow, sickness, pain, and death.   Sin destroys everything that is good and beautiful.  Worst of all, it separates us from God.

So God did do something- He sent His own perfect Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, who went to the cross, giving His life to pay the penalty for our sins.  The Lord Jesus died and was buried, but on the third day, He rose from the dead.  Now He lives to give new life- eternal life- to anyone who will put their trust in Him as the only Saviour.  This is God's promise- "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

This little girl and I talked about the wonderful promises God has given to her.  She has the Spirit of God Himself living within her who is working to make her character more and more like that of the Lord Jesus.  She cannot control the people in her life or the circumstances she finds herself in, but she can rest in the love that God has for her.  Though there is turmoil all around her, she can have the peace that passes all understanding.  Jesus said in John 16:33, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."  And one day, she will too.

Service with a Smile

So many times I perform my daily tasks with a grimace or a sigh. That’s because I forget whom I serve.  I am not merely serving those around me- who may or may not appreciate, or even notice, what I’m doing.  

Colossians 3:23-24 tells me where my focus should be:  “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.”  


So look past those around you and see the Lord Himself.  Do your service for Him.  He notices and He appreciates all that is done for Him.  He assures us that “…whoever gives you a cup of water to drink in My name, because you belong to     Christ, assuredly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.” (Mark 9:41)  

What a kind and loving God we serve.

Look at His face and catch His smile as you serve Him with a right heart attitude.  

Reflect that in your own countenance. 

We really do serve the best of masters!  

"They looked to Him and were radiant, 

and their faces were not ashamed."

(Psalm 34:5)

True Servanthood

                                           

Do you consider yourself a servant?

Then consider the words of Richard Foster:  "We must see the difference between the choosing to serve and choosing to be a servant.  When we choose to serve we are still in charge.  But when we choose to be a servant we give up the right to be in charge."  

A servant does whatever the master asks of them, regardless of how they personally feel about it.

Two of my children are working as counselors at a secular day camp this summer.  They have younger counselors-in-training assigned to work with them.  The CITs' job is to do whatever the counselor asks of them to help the day run more smoothly.  There is one CIT who would continually ask my daughter, "What can I do to help?"  When my daughter told the girl what needed to be done, the girl would then make the decision as to whether or not that task was to her liking.  If it wasn't, she would not do it, but would again ask my daughter, "What can I do to help?"  I'm sure this girl feels like she is being a servant because she is continually offering her service- but is she a servant?  

My daughter also teaches a Sunday school class at our local church.  Right before Sunday school, the children are to gather in a larger room for a time of singing before they are all dismissed to their various classrooms.   This gives the teachers time to set out their materials and make sure they are ready before the children arrive.  There is one girl who comes to my daughter's room instead of going to singing and says, "I'm here to help you.  What can I do?"  Then she proceeds to look through the teaching materials, write on the board, etc.  My daughter tells the girl that everything is under control and reminds her that she needs to go sing with the rest of the children.  "No," the girl replies, "I'm here to help you."  This little girl is there to serve- or is she?

Unfortunately, this attitude is not found only in children and the unsaved.  Even as believers in the Lord Jesus, our hearts are still very deceitful.  We can fool ourselves into believing that we have a servant's heart, when in reality, our "service" is doing what we want to do in the way we want to do it.  

Our attitude towards service needs to be that which the Lord Jesus exemplified.  He very clearly states His motivation in John 6:38- "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My will, but the will of Him who sent Me." 

 Being a servant basically boils down to one thing- obedience.  

And yet, serving the Lord does not have to be drudgery.  For those who serve with a right heart attitude, the Lord has great reward- "Enter into the joy of your lord." (Matthew 25:21)  What a blessing, since in His presence is FULLNESS of joy!

"So likewise you, when you have done all those things 

which you are commanded, say, 

'We are unprofitable servants.  We have done what was our duty to do.'"

(Luke 17:10)

God of all comfort

The Shunammite Woman

And so she departed, and went to the man of God at Mount Carmel.  So it was, when the man of God saw her afar off, that he said to his servant Gehazi, "Look, the Shunammite woman!  Please run now to meet her and say to her, 'Is it well with you?  Is it well with your husband?  Is it well with the child?'"  And she answered, "It is well."  Now when she came to the man of God at the hill, she caught him by the feet, but Gehazi came near to push her away.  But the man of God said, "Let her alone; for her soul is in deep distress." -2 Kings 4:25-27

The Shunammite woman had just lost her only child to death.  Her husband could not help her.  Elisha’s servant could not help her.  There was only one who could.  She went straight to the man that represented God. 

Sometimes there are things in our lives that are so heart-wrenching that no human agent can comfort us.  But there is One we can go to.  We have a great High Priest that has passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God.  So let us hold fast to Him, for He is a high priest who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities.  He knows our anguish, and He cares. 

In March 2001 I received a telephone call informing me that my three year old nephew had been killed in a car accident.  I lay on my bed sobbing.  All I could do was cry out, “Oh, God!  My God!”  

Sometimes the hurt in our lives is so deep that we do not even have the ability to formulate the words to express our agony of soul.  But in those times, God is there, and He has already made provision for us.  “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” (Romans 8:26)

That day the Lord proved Himself to me to be the Comforter.  He held me in His arms like a little child.  When hard things come into your life, go straight to the Lord.  Let Him comfort you.  He is the God of all comfort.

Great Expectations and Disappointment

It has taken me way longer than it should have, but I have learned something that helps me to be happy. It seems like an obvious conclusion, but it wasn't apparent to me for a long time.

Are you ready for the big reveal? Okay so it's not that big of a deal, but I have learned that when I have expectations of how things are going to go, I am often disappointed.

    I am especially susceptible to expectations of grandeur when going on road trips. I guess I've watched too many movies of families on vacation with windows down (no one ends up windblown), smiles on their faces and fun travel music being sung by all. They never have to stop along the road for a bathroom break five minutes after an official break at a fabulously clean gas station. No one squabbles over where to sit. No gets cranky after being in a car seat for hours on end. There aren't any random bits falling out when they open the doors. The truly romantic life.

   My reality isn't like that. And when I expect it to look like the movies, I am disappointed. It's not that our travel hasn't been fun. It's just that life isn't a hallmark moment. Life is real. I need to embrace the good parts and get over the not so wonderful parts.

   The truth I need to remember is that life isn't about me and my expectations. I am here not to have a wonderful, fulfilling life the way that movies and hallmark like to portray it. I don't find happiness and fulfillment looking for perfection. I find it when I give up my selfish desires and allow myself to be blessed by the little imperfect moments.

Before you speak....

I saw this poster hanging in my niece's home when I was watching her children.  I thought it was a great reminder for us all.

          Before you speak...
                                                  THINK!

Is it True?

Is it Helpful?

Is it Inspiring?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, 

but only such a word as is good for edification 

according to the need of the moment, 

that it may give grace to those who hear.

(Ephesians 4:29)

Share Your Story

Are you able to share your salvation testimony succinctly and in a way that honors the Lord?

For the past several years, I have had the joy of working with children in a camp setting each summer.  During the week, I try to visit one-on-one with as many children as possible about where they are spiritually.  After spending some time talking about what they like best about camp and what they are learning from the Bible lessons, I will ask them, “Do you know for sure where you will spend eternity?”  If they tell me “yes” and that they are going to Heaven, my next question is, “How do you know that?”  The standard response is, “Because I’m saved.”  To which I will ask, “Can you tell me about it?”

Here are some examples of a typical testimony I will hear:

“I got saved when I was 5.”

“My mom prayed with me and I got saved.”

“My dad showed me some verses and prayed and I got saved.”

While these things may all be true, they don’t give the complete story. 

When working with children, I try to teach them the importance of covering the main points of the gospel message in their testimony.  Their salvation testimony is their story of what Christ has done for them.  It is an instrument they can use to share the gospel with their friends.  We work on them being able to share their testimony in such a way that after hearing their story, the listener would know how to be saved from their sins and brought into a relationship with God if they so desired.  Plus, I believe being able to answer the following questions gives the child himself more confidence to share his testimony publicly because he has a better understanding of what God has actually done for him. 

I have them answer these questions:

• ·         WHY did you need to be saved?  What was the problem?
• ·         WHO could save you?  Why does He have the ability to do that?  What did He do for you?
• ·         WHEN and HOW were you saved? (This is the part where they share the details of their personal experience.)
• ·         How do you KNOW that you’re saved? (This is where they share a Bible verse that assures them of what God has done for them.  This has nothing to do with their feelings.)

I try to emphasize that the main character of this story is the Lord Jesus.  It is not so much about what the child did, but about what the Lord Jesus has done for them.  I also encourage them to use Bible verses in their testimony.  God’s Word is truth.

Here are the salvation testimonies of two of my children, written using this format:

Seth:

When I was 6 years old, my family was having our Bible time in the afternoon.  We were talking about the Lord’s return.  I started to cry because I knew if the Lord came back that day I would not be ready.  My mom and I went back to her room to talk.  I knew that I needed to be saved because I was a sinner.  I had told many lies and I knew that Revelation 21:8 says that all liars will have their part in the lake of fire.  I knew that as a sinner I deserved to spend eternity in hell.  But then we read 1 Timothy 1:15- “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.”  I understood that Jesus had died on the cross for my sins and took the punishment that I deserved.  I told my mom that I wanted to be saved.  She told me to talk to the Lord about it, so I prayed and asked the Lord to save me.  I know that my sins are forgiven because Acts 16:31 promises, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” 

Eric:

          I was raised by parents who knew and served the Lord.  They taught me the gospel at an early age, but I never acted upon it.  I thought I was a good person and went through life without thinking of my need for salvation.  But more and more, I became aware of my sin, and I knew that I could not be good on my own.  Romans 3:10 says, “There is none righteous, not even one.” 

          One evening at Bible club, when I was nine years old, the teacher taught a lesson on eternity.  He said that all men were sinners, and sin leads to death and hell.  Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.”  I knew that I was on my way to hell, a place of eternal darkness, torment, and separation from God.  There was only one way to be saved from this horrible punishment.  God loved me so much that He sent His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ to earth as a man.  He died and shed His blood on a cross, bearing my sin and punishment.  He later rose from death so that I could have eternal life. All that was left for me to do was to believe and accept His sacrifice for my salvation.

          When I went home that night, I knew the most important decision of my life lay just ahead.  I confessed my sin to the Lord, thanked Him for taking my place on the cross, and asked Him to take control of my life.  I know that I am saved because John 5:24 says, “He who hears my word and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.”  The Lord has been working to change me.  I want my life to glorify Him. 

"Then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for us.'"  

-Psalm 126:2 

The Value of Spiritual Mothering

Until I, Deborah, arose, Arose a mother in Israel.  –Judges 5:7

The summer I turned 40, I once again served as a counselor at a week of Bible Camp.  It was difficult.  Experiencing the realities of getting older, I was having trouble sleeping at night.  I didn’t have the energy that I once had to keep up with the kids.  I saw myself as neither fun nor cool.  As I lay in my bunk, feeling discouraged, I asked the Lord, “Why am I here?  Do you have a purpose for me or is it time for me to move on and let a younger person take over this job?”  Later that night there was a knock on my cabin door.  A little girl in the cabin next to mine was homesick and could not stop crying.  The young counselor had run out of ideas and asked me if I could help.  So I sat with the little girl on a bench outside the cabin.  I talked with her, prayed with her, dried her tears, and tucked her back in bed.  The next day another younger counselor approached me.  “There’s a situation in my cabin and I just don’t know what to do.  I know that I need the Lord’s wisdom and I’ve prayed with some of the other counselors.  But I’m overwhelmed and I feel so inadequate.  I just need a mom to talk to.”  I put my arm around her and we talked and prayed together about the situation.  And it was then that the Lord answered the question that I had put to Him the night before.  “You are here to be a mother.” 

Today’s culture idolizes youth.  It is very difficult for women in our society to grow older.  Deborah gives Christian women the perspective that the Lord wants us to have as we mature in years.   Deborah was not a woman who was pushing her way up the corporate or political ladder as some have characterized her.  Judges 5:7 tells us how she saw herself- as “a mother in Israel.”  The Church needs older women today who are willing to take on the role of spiritual mothers. 

Deborah’s story can be found in the book of Judges, chapters 4 and 5.  The first thing we learn about Deborah is that she was a prophetess.  She was a woman who knew God and knew His Word.  The children of Israel came to her for judgment.  God could trust her to faithfully share His words with His people. 

Are you a woman who knows God intimately?  God wants you to know Him, not just know about Him.  And so He has given us His Word. Do you know and love the Word of God?   The Bible is not a book containing lists of “dos” and don’ts”; it reveals to us who God is. When you enter into this Book, you are entering into the heart of God Himself.  Are you faithful to share God’s Word with others?  People should receive more than just your opinion when they come to you with a problem.  In order to give true spiritual help, you will need to direct others to the Lord and to His Word.

          Deborah was available and approachable.  Ideally, that’s the kind of relationship we should have with our natural mother.  It is also what the Lord wants of us as spiritual mothers.  A mother is someone who knows you, yet loves you unconditionally.  Someone who wants what is best for you.  Someone who is always there to listen and who can be counted on to give you wise counsel.  This kind of relationship takes time to build.  Are you investing in the young people around you?  Do you know what’s going on in their lives?  Do you pray for them?  Encourage them?  Love them instead of being critical of them?  The fact that love is the key was brought home to me one evening at our children’s Bible Club.  I overheard one of the “outreach” girls speaking about the club leaders to a friend that she had invited.  “See, I told you that they love you here.”  It wasn’t the fun and games that had impressed this girl.  She kept coming because she was loved.

          As a mother in Israel, Deborah was an encourager.  She understood the plan that God had for Barak and charged him to follow the Lord God fully in it.  She knew what a blessing one man’s obedience could be to the nation.  She understood his fear, and instead of despising him for it, agreed to go with him into the battle.  And yet she was also faithful to exhort Barak, telling him what would happen since he had failed to trust God wholly.

          As we work with young people, their strengths and weaknesses will soon become evident.  Though they would like to come across as having everything together, they tend to be very insecure.  They need lots of encouragement.  If they know the Lord Jesus as their personal Saviour, they have received spiritual gifts from Him.  These gifts need to be developed. As spiritual mothers, we can come alongside and point out opportunities for them to use their gifts in ways that will glorify the Lord and build up His Body. 

          One of a mother’s goals is to help her children move toward independence.  As spiritual mothers, we want the young people we work with to know that we will always be there for them but that they must learn to rely, not on us, but on the Lord Himself.  Still, wherever they go, we can assure them that our prayers will go with them.

          Just like a natural mother, spiritual mothers need to be faithful to rebuke and correct when necessary.  We need to love our young friends enough to warn them if we see them starting to wander down the wrong path- a path that if followed, will lead to great heartache and sorrow.  Their spiritual well-being must be more important to us than maintaining a comfortable, pleasant relationship with them.  For indeed, it may be that the Lord has given us that relationship “for such a time as this.”  I’ve had to come alongside girls who say they belong to the Saviour, hopefully in a gracious and loving manner, and take them to the Word of God to show them the consequences of pursuing a relationship with a young man which would place them in an unequal yoke.  It’s not an easy thing to do.  But love will do the hard thing if it is the right thing to do and the best thing for those we love. 

          When the dust cloud of battle had settled, the Lord was shown to have given Israel the victory over their enemies, just as He had promised.  Deborah and Barak together sang a song of praise to their God.  When our young people experience a victory in the spiritual battle, we need to rejoice with them, being careful to direct their praise to the One who truly deserves the glory.

          The world places very little value on motherhood and often looks down on women who choose to give their lives to that work.  But God regards it as a great and noble undertaking.  A spiritual mother is not looking for recognition or applause.  She is content to remain in the background, quietly laboring on.   Her joy comes from seeing those “children” that God has given her going on well for Him.  “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”