Temporal vs Eternal

An  overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous. -1 Timothy 3:2-3 

Another qualification of an elder is that he is not covetous or greedy for money.  

Do you desire THINGS?  Your husband only has so much time.  What are you encouraging him to pursue? 

1 Timothy 6:10-11 warns us: “the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.  But you, O man of God, flee these things…”

Think about what the Lord views as most important.  He directs the man of God to “pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and gentleness.” God is asking your husband to be concerned with the spiritual life of His people and not to be distracted by a desire for material things.  You can be a tremendous help to your husband in this area by asking the Lord to give you a heart that is thankful and content with what He has provided for you.  Whether it be much or little, hold it in an open hand to be used by the Lord in whatever way He would choose.  And encourage your husband to give himself to the things that have eternal value.   

How Do You Handle Conflict?

An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous. - 1 Timothy 3:2-3

God says that those who lead His people must not be violent or quarrelsome, but gentle.  How do you handle conflict in your home?  Is your home a peaceful place? 

VS.

The word “gentle” or “patient” in this verse means to be forbearing and considerate- looking reasonably at the facts of a case.  You and your husband are going to have disagreements.  How you deal with these things in your home will spill over into how your husband deals with conflict in the local assembly.  So do what you can to help him establish good habits.  

When my husband and I were first married, something I don’t even remember happened that set me off.  I was in the kitchen slamming cupboard doors and my husband was sitting at the dining room table.  I can still picture his eyes getting very big as he watched me.  Our conversation went something like this:

“Is something wrong?” he asked.  

“Yes, something’s wrong!” 

“Do you want to sit down and talk about it?”  

“No, I want to stand up and yell about it!”  

“Umm, my parents didn’t yell at each other.”  

“Well, my parents did!” 

“Well, I don’t want to yell at you, but if you want to come sit with me and talk, I’ll do that.” 

Proverbs 15:1 is very true- “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Yelling all by yourself makes you feel pretty foolish.  My husband's good example in this area has been a great help to me in changing some of the bad habits I had developed growing up.  And if your husband is more of the fireball in your relationship, you can do the same for him by responding with a gentle answer.  

Don’t just ignore a problem, but sit down and pray together- asking the Lord to calm your hearts.  Talk through the problem and really listen to one another.  Go to the Word of God and ask the Lord to lead you to the solution that honors Him.  

If your husband, as the head of your home, comes to a conclusion different than what you had hoped for, trust the Lord and be supportive.  This is much easier said than done, but it is what God commands and He will honor your obedience. 

God's Word: Learn It, Love It, Live It, Teach It

1 Timothy 3:2- An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach.

An elder must also be able to teach God's Word clearly and accurately.  How can you as a wife help your husband in this area of his ministry?

In order to teach the Word of God, you must know the Word.  In order to know the Word, you must spend time in the Word.  So, again, you’ll need to allow your husband the time to do this.  God has given him the responsibility of “rightly dividing the Word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15) so that he can feed the flock, give direction to those who need spiritual counsel, and be able to refute those who would teach false doctrine.  This does not mean that he needs to be a gifted public speaker, but that he does need to understand and be able to clearly articulate truths found in the Scriptures. 

Your husband also needs your encouragement to hold fast to the Word of truth.  There are some issues where emotions can run high: the woman’s role, divorce and remarriage, church discipline.  Your husband will face pressure not only from the world, but from Christendom in general- as well as people in your own local church- to compromise on God’s Word.  They will pressure him not to take such a firm stand if that stand affects what they want to do.   

I talked with three young men in our local church who all have a heart to honor the Lord.  I asked them why they had made the choice to be there.  All three told me it was because the Person of the Lord Jesus was honored and the Word of God was upheld as the authority- that it wasn’t just given lip service, but put into practice.  These are the kind of people you want in your local church.  So, let your husband study, listen to him as he talks through what he’s learning, and most of all, pray for him- that he would understand the truth from God’s Word, hold fast to it, and clearly share it with others.  

"For Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the Law of the Lord, and to do it,

 and to teach statutes and ordinances in Israel."

(Ezra 7:10)

Open Your Heart and Open Your Home

We are considering some of the qualities the Lord wants men in leadership in the local church to exhibit, and how we as wives can enhance our husband's effectiveness in these areas.

1 Timothy 3:2- An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach. 

Hopitable:

This verse also mentions that an elder must be hospitable.  There is no way your husband can do this without your full cooperation.  I remember one time my husband came to me during the break between meetings on a Sunday morning.  Some people from out of town had shown up and he wanted to invite them to eat with us.  I didn’t say a word- I just sighed.  I was tired, and people take energy.  He looked at me sadly and walked away.   I knew that my attitude was wrong and after Sunday school was over, I went to find him and tell him that was fine to go ahead and invite them.  But the people had already left.  I wasn’t being the help my husband needed in that instance.  His heart wanted to be what God had called him to be, but I had hindered him. 

Romans 12:13 says that we are to be “given to hospitality”.  Our homes should always be open.  An open home starts with an open heart.  It means loving people more than you love yourself or your things.  Your home does not need to be a showplace.  It doesn’t need to be large.  You don’t need to be a gourmet cook.  The first people who showed hospitality to my husband and me as a couple had us over one Sunday evening for popcorn, and we had a wonderful time.  Your home just needs to be a place where people feel welcome, comfortable and loved.  And that has to do much more with your attitude than with the physical environment.  

There are so many opportunities in the area of hospitality: encouraging the believers in your own local fellowship, having evangelistic Bible studies, holding a neighborhood Bible club, giving college students a home away from home, providing overnight accommodations to visiting missionaries or believers from out of town.  These things are not just a blessing to those you are showing hospitality to- they are a tremendous blessing to your own family, especially your children. 

I cannot stress enough what an important part of your ministry this is.  It is imperative that a shepherd know his flock.  We’ve been able to get to know people better by having them in our home for 2 hours than we could have in 5 years of just being around them at church during meeting times.  

Think about what you need to do to make it easier for you to have people in your home.  Here are some practical things I have done: 

*We pulled up the carpet in our dining room so that I wouldn’t be worried about spills.  

*If you have a small house and want to have over a big family, invite them for a picnic in the park.  

*When having the youth group over, just wipe down the toilets and sinks in the bathroom, but don’t do any real cleaning until after they leave.  

Whatever you need to do to make it easier for you to have people in your home, DO IT!  This is one way that you can be a blessing to your husband and to the people of God.

Helping Your Husband Stay Pure

We are continuing to look at some of the qualifications for men who would serve as elders in the local church, and think about how our actions and attitudes as wives can affect our husband’s effectiveness in those areas.  

1 Timothy 3:2

An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach.  

The Husband of One Wife 

One of your responsibilities as a wife is to do what you can to help your husband stay morally pure.  My husband has to travel for his job and I know that many husbands also travel for ministry.  If you’re able to travel with your husband, do it.  Sometimes you are in a situation where you can’t- for example if you have family responsibilities that keep you at home.  If you can’t be with your husband, it is important to communicate daily.  We have an enemy who is trying to destroy our marriages.  Don’t give him the opportunity.  My husband tells me that when he’s away from home, he just needs to know that everything’s okay between us.  A phone call, a text, an email saying, “I love you.  I’m praying you.  We all miss you.”  A note stuck in his suitcase.  Those are small things, but they go a long way in helping your husband in the area of moral purity.  Show affection to him when he’s home.  I know that sometimes when my husband is gone for a few days and gets home, my response is not “Oh, my wonderful husband is home!”; instead, it’s, “Finally!  Your children have been driving me crazy!” He may have been at a place where people appreciated him and made him feel very special.  Don’t let him feel less appreciated at home. 

Not only does he need your physical affection, he needs your emotional support.  The Lord’s work is work.  It can be very draining.  It’s easy to get discouraged.  That’s one reason God has given you to your husband.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”  Ask the Lord to help you be the wife your husband needs in this area.  If things aren’t going well in your marriage, it will affect your entire ministry- individually and as a couple.

Shepherding- a good work

Today we will start considering some of the qualities that the Lord has laid out for men who would serve as elders in the local church, and talk about how our actions and attitudes as wives can affect our husband’s effectiveness in those areas.  

Let’s read together 1 Timothy 3:1-7. 

This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of an overseer, he desires a good work.  An overseer, then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.  Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. 

1 Timothy 3:1.  

If a man desires the position of an overseer, he desires a good work. 

The word “good” here means valuable.  Shepherding the Lord’s people is a very valuable work.  If something is valuable, there’s a cost involved.  The more valuable something is, the greater the cost.  The work of shepherding will not just cost your husband something, it will cost you as well.  

There is a cost in terms of time- not just your personal time, but giving up time with your husband when he has meetings, time when he is away from the family and you are dealing with the children by yourself.  

There is a cost in terms of emotional energy- praying for the believers, counseling those who are struggling spiritually, weeping over those who have gone astray.  

There can be a financial cost- opening your home to people, helping those who are in need.  

If you go into this work with any other motive than doing it for the Lord Himself because He has called you to do it, it is not worth it.  But if this is the ministry that God has given you and your husband, then all of these things can be offered up as a sweet sacrifice to Him.  

Shepherding is the heart of God, and He is looking for men and women after His own heart to carry out this work.  The Good Shepherd loves His sheep.  He laid down His life for them, and He calls us to do the same.

My Influence: A Help or a Hindrance?

As a wife, you are the helper God has given to your husband, and therefore, you are a vital part of his ministry.  You are the person closest to your husband and the one who has the most influence on him. Will you use your influence to be a help or a hindrance to him in his ministry?

Let's think about some of the women in the Bible who influenced their husbands.

The first woman that comes to my mind is the first woman, Eve.  Genesis 3:6- "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate."  It is true that Eve was deceived and her husband sinned willfully.  But how sad that she was the one who provided the opportunity for him to do so.  

Sarah is upheld as an example of a woman who was submissive to her own husband (1 Peter 3:5-6). She encouraged her husband Abraham by setting out alongside him as he obeyed God's call to leave behind everything he knew and follow God's leading to an undisclosed land.  What a blessing for Abraham to have along a supportive and uncomplaining wife as he headed into the unknown.

Unfortunately, it was the influence of this same woman on her husband which brought about the conflict between the Arab and Jewish peoples that we are still experiencing today.  "So Sarai said to Abram, 'See now, the LORD has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.' And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai." (Genesis 16:2) How sad when we fail to look to the Lord and trust Him for His provision, and instead try to "help God out" by coming up with our own cleverly devised schemes.  And even sadder when we convince our husband to go along with our plan instead of seeking the Lord's will.  

Jezebel, the daughter of a king, is best known for the influence she held over her husband.  1 Kings 21:25 tells us, "Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the LORD".  And why was it that Ahab's name became synonymous with wickedness?- "because Jezebel his wife incited him." Her influence pushed her husband farther into lies, murders, and idolatry; and led to God's judgment upon a nation.  

Priscilla and her husband, Aquila. This dynamic duo are never mentioned apart from each other.  They truly functioned as one in the Lord.  Together they were a team that helped build up the early church.  Their home was always open to the believers.  They helped train new believers to be more effective for the Lord- "But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him (Apollos), they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately." (Acts18:26) Paul the apostle calls them both his fellow workers.  Because of Priscilla's support of her husband, the effectiveness of their ministry was overwhelming.

As you can see from the above examples, a wife's influence is never a neutral thing.  You will either be a help or a hindrance to your husband in his ministry.  The choice is yours.

The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 4

1 Timothy 3:11 says, "Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things."  These are some of the qualities that the Lord desires to develop in your life and mine, as the wife of someone in leadership. 

Faithful in all things

The final quality listed in this verse is "faithful in all things".  This means to be trustworthy and reliable.  Proverbs 31:11 says, “the heart of her husband safely trusts her.”  And the hearts of God’s people should be able to do the same.  And why can they trust her? "Because she does him good, and not evil, all the days of her life."  

The people in your local church need to know that you and your husband together want what’s best for them.  Part of this is making yourself available.  First, are you available to your husband to help him when he needs you or is he reluctant to ask anything of you because of how you’ve responded to his requests in the past?  Are you available to the believers?  Many times all someone needs is a listening ear and a friend to pray with. 

Is being available, or allowing your husband to be available, going to be inconvenient?  Yes,it is.  But your time and your selves are things that you can choose to offer up as a sacrifice to the Lord. 

If this is the ministry that the Lord has called you to, He will be faithful to equip you to do it.

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

(1 Thessalonians 5:24)