How Do You Handle Conflict?

An overseer then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous. - 1 Timothy 3:2-3

God says that those who lead His people must not be violent or quarrelsome, but gentle.  How do you handle conflict in your home?  Is your home a peaceful place? 

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The word “gentle” or “patient” in this verse means to be forbearing and considerate- looking reasonably at the facts of a case.  You and your husband are going to have disagreements.  How you deal with these things in your home will spill over into how your husband deals with conflict in the local assembly.  So do what you can to help him establish good habits.  

When my husband and I were first married, something I don’t even remember happened that set me off.  I was in the kitchen slamming cupboard doors and my husband was sitting at the dining room table.  I can still picture his eyes getting very big as he watched me.  Our conversation went something like this:

“Is something wrong?” he asked.  

“Yes, something’s wrong!” 

“Do you want to sit down and talk about it?”  

“No, I want to stand up and yell about it!”  

“Umm, my parents didn’t yell at each other.”  

“Well, my parents did!” 

“Well, I don’t want to yell at you, but if you want to come sit with me and talk, I’ll do that.” 

Proverbs 15:1 is very true- “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Yelling all by yourself makes you feel pretty foolish.  My husband's good example in this area has been a great help to me in changing some of the bad habits I had developed growing up.  And if your husband is more of the fireball in your relationship, you can do the same for him by responding with a gentle answer.  

Don’t just ignore a problem, but sit down and pray together- asking the Lord to calm your hearts.  Talk through the problem and really listen to one another.  Go to the Word of God and ask the Lord to lead you to the solution that honors Him.  

If your husband, as the head of your home, comes to a conclusion different than what you had hoped for, trust the Lord and be supportive.  This is much easier said than done, but it is what God commands and He will honor your obedience.