The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 3

In 1 Timothy 3 God speaks to the wives of men who would lead and serve in the local church.  1 Timothy 3:11 says- Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 

Be sober/temperate

The third quality we will consider is that as the wife of a man who is in leadership in the local church, we are instructed to be sober, or temperate.  This word means to be of sound mind, self-controlled, discreet.  One of the mottos on the home front during WW2 was “loose lips sink ships”.   I’ll say it again- one of the best ways you can be a help to your husband is by learning to control your tongue.  Loose lips not only sink ships- they can also ruin people’s lives and destroy a local church.  If your husband is in a position of leadership or of counseling others, you may know things about people or situations that must not be shared with others.  

We must ask the Lord to set a watch over our tongues. You see, the person most affected by our “loose lips” may be our own husband- by causing him to be disqualified from service because we couldn’t keep our mouth shut.  One of the hardest times to keep quiet is when other people complain to you about a decision the elders have made.  When that happens, don’t take it as a personal attack on your husband and get defensive. Instead, just encourage them to pray.  Generally, they don’t understand the elders’ decision because they don’t have all of the information that the elders have.  Assure them that the elders do want to honor the Lord, and they can ask God to show the elders if something needs to be done differently. 

We must also ask the Lord to guard our hearts and minds in relation to other believers, because we know that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34).  Sometimes it is easy to feel frustrated, or even disgusted, with certain individuals that seem to require constant attention.  That’s not how the Lord deals with us.  He desires that we be like Him in our dealings with others- that we choose to love others and treat them with kindness no matter what.  My husband often reminds me as we work with people, “This person is where they are, and being disgusted with them doesn’t help anything.  We need to meet them where they are now and with God’s help try to bring them along.” 

One last word of advice: don’t pump your husband for information when he gets home from meeting with the other elders.  We are not the elders and there are some things that we do not need to know, and in fact, it’s better if we don’t know.  

Be sober, be vigilant; 

because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, 

seeking whom he may devour. 

(1 Peter 5:8)

The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 2

God has set forth qualifications for those who would lead His people.  In 1 Timothy 3 He speaks to the wives of men who would lead and serve in the local church.  Let's examine these qualities one by one.  

1 Timothy 3:11- Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 

Not slanderers  
The second quality we will look at is to have self-control with our words- not to be a slanderer.  The Greek root word in slander is “diabolos” which is also translated “devil”.  W.E. Vine defines a slanderer as someone who is given to finding fault with the demeanor and conduct of others and spreading their criticisms in the church.  The Lord wants to use you, along with your husband, to build up His people, not tear them down. 

I will give you an example from my own life of the consequences that can come from engaging in slander.  I am not proud of this, but the Lord in His love and kindness has chastened me for it, restored me to Himself, and taught me a very valuable lesson.  This incident took place before my husband was serving as an elder in our local church.  One of the women in our assembly would call and visit with me on the phone.  We would just chat about whatever, but she would also ask me questions about how I felt about different situations or things that people in the assembly had said or done.  She was my friend- you can tell your friends how you feel about things, can’t you?  No- not if what you have to say is something unkind about another believer.  And that was the mistake I made.  I was unhappy with someone at the time, and in answer to my friend's questions, I did tell her about it.  Like I said, the Lord in His kindness and love chastened me.  It was very painful, but it was also VERY needful because what I had done was sin.  After that last conversation, she shared what I had said with other people.  A lot of unpleasantness  followed, of which I will not go into.  I just prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let my husband be disqualified from any work You have for him because of my foolishness.”  I apologized to my friend for speaking unkindly about another believer, and then I went to the person that I had talked about and apologized to them and asked for their forgiveness.  

So now we have a sign up in our house that says: “Watch your words.  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Is it necessary?”  If the answer to any of those questions is “no”, then bite your tongue.  And if necessary, bite it until it bleeds, if that keeps you from slander.  

Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  Satan is the accuser of the brethren.  We are to be a helper to our husband in his work of encouraging the believers; not Satan’s helper in destroying them.  

The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 1

What expectations do people have of a woman who is the wife of someone in a position of leadership in the local church?  If you ask 20 different people about what the wife of a leader should be like or be doing, you’ll get 20 different answers.  Even though we are serving people, the One we’re really serving is the Lord Himself.  And in the end, it’s the expectations He has of us that we will give an account for.

In 1 Timothy 3 God has set forth qualifications for those who would lead His people.  He begins with overseers, then moves on to deacons, and finally, He speaks to the wives of these men who would lead and serve in the local church.  Let's examine these qualities one by one.  

1 Timothy 3:11- Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 

Reverence:

The first quality mentioned is reverence- having a seriousness of purpose; dignity in their conduct.  Does this mean that if you’re married to a man in leadership you can’t ever laugh?  No.  A sense of humor usually helps in all areas of life.  But it does mean that you understand the seriousness of spiritual things and when people come to you and your husband with a problem, they know that you will treat them with respect and give them sound Biblical counsel. In order to give good spiritual counsel, you are going to have to be in the Word yourself.  

One of the older women I turn to when I need advice is the wife of a man who served as an elder in our local church for many years.  I go to her because she is a woman who spends time with the Lord and knows His Word.  One of the things I appreciate about her is that she has always been faithful to give me the counsel I needed to hear, not necessarily what I wanted to hear.  She tells me the truth because she fears God and cares more about pleasing Him than pleasing people. But she speaks the truth in love. And because I know that she loves me and prays for me regularly, I can take it from her.  She has been a tremendous example to me in being a woman who is reverent, holding fast to the truth of God’s Word.  

2 Peter 3:18 exhorts us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”  One of the best ways that you can be a help and encouragement to your husband, and an example to the flock is to be growing in your own personal relationship with the Lord.

A Helper Suitable

Today I begin a series of posts considering some of the things the Lord would have us  as wives understand if He has called our husbands to a ministry of leadership in the local church.  

It's always good to begin at the beginning:

What is my primary role as a wife?

Genesis 2:18- Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."  

Genesis 2:24- For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 

God has created you to be a helper and a completer to the husband that He has given you to.  He has brought the two of you together to serve Him as one. 

This means that if the Lord has called your husband to be in leadership, then He has also called you to serve alongside him.  However, “elder’s wife”, “deacon’s wife”, “full-time worker’s wife” are not special offices in the local church; they don’t place you in a position of authority.  Instead, it is a call to, alongside your husband, be an example to the flock by loving God’s people, serving them, and being willing to lay down your life for them.  

In the next several posts we will look at some of the expectations the Lord has for women whose husbands are in a leadership role.  Then we will go through the qualifications that God gives for men who  would serve as elders in 1 Timothy 3, and discuss how a wife's attitudes and actions  will either help or hinder her husband’s effectiveness in those areas.  Finally we will think about how our personal ministries fit in with these things, and wrap the series up with some promises of reward from the Lord Himself if we carry out this ministry in a way that honors Him. 

  

Video test of Devils tower

I am testing several video making programs to see which I could use for verse memorization. I am thinking that I would like one where I could put my voice in but maybe this will work for a while. I am using the free version of smile box and so there are advertisements and I can't figure out how to make the video end. Devils tower video Let me know if it worked for you and what you think.