The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 2

God has set forth qualifications for those who would lead His people.  In 1 Timothy 3 He speaks to the wives of men who would lead and serve in the local church.  Let's examine these qualities one by one.  

1 Timothy 3:11- Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 

Not slanderers  
The second quality we will look at is to have self-control with our words- not to be a slanderer.  The Greek root word in slander is “diabolos” which is also translated “devil”.  W.E. Vine defines a slanderer as someone who is given to finding fault with the demeanor and conduct of others and spreading their criticisms in the church.  The Lord wants to use you, along with your husband, to build up His people, not tear them down. 

I will give you an example from my own life of the consequences that can come from engaging in slander.  I am not proud of this, but the Lord in His love and kindness has chastened me for it, restored me to Himself, and taught me a very valuable lesson.  This incident took place before my husband was serving as an elder in our local church.  One of the women in our assembly would call and visit with me on the phone.  We would just chat about whatever, but she would also ask me questions about how I felt about different situations or things that people in the assembly had said or done.  She was my friend- you can tell your friends how you feel about things, can’t you?  No- not if what you have to say is something unkind about another believer.  And that was the mistake I made.  I was unhappy with someone at the time, and in answer to my friend's questions, I did tell her about it.  Like I said, the Lord in His kindness and love chastened me.  It was very painful, but it was also VERY needful because what I had done was sin.  After that last conversation, she shared what I had said with other people.  A lot of unpleasantness  followed, of which I will not go into.  I just prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let my husband be disqualified from any work You have for him because of my foolishness.”  I apologized to my friend for speaking unkindly about another believer, and then I went to the person that I had talked about and apologized to them and asked for their forgiveness.  

So now we have a sign up in our house that says: “Watch your words.  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Is it necessary?”  If the answer to any of those questions is “no”, then bite your tongue.  And if necessary, bite it until it bleeds, if that keeps you from slander.  

Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  Satan is the accuser of the brethren.  We are to be a helper to our husband in his work of encouraging the believers; not Satan’s helper in destroying them.