The Wife of a Leader: Expectations, part 3

In 1 Timothy 3 God speaks to the wives of men who would lead and serve in the local church.  1 Timothy 3:11 says- Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 

Be sober/temperate

The third quality we will consider is that as the wife of a man who is in leadership in the local church, we are instructed to be sober, or temperate.  This word means to be of sound mind, self-controlled, discreet.  One of the mottos on the home front during WW2 was “loose lips sink ships”.   I’ll say it again- one of the best ways you can be a help to your husband is by learning to control your tongue.  Loose lips not only sink ships- they can also ruin people’s lives and destroy a local church.  If your husband is in a position of leadership or of counseling others, you may know things about people or situations that must not be shared with others.  

We must ask the Lord to set a watch over our tongues. You see, the person most affected by our “loose lips” may be our own husband- by causing him to be disqualified from service because we couldn’t keep our mouth shut.  One of the hardest times to keep quiet is when other people complain to you about a decision the elders have made.  When that happens, don’t take it as a personal attack on your husband and get defensive. Instead, just encourage them to pray.  Generally, they don’t understand the elders’ decision because they don’t have all of the information that the elders have.  Assure them that the elders do want to honor the Lord, and they can ask God to show the elders if something needs to be done differently. 

We must also ask the Lord to guard our hearts and minds in relation to other believers, because we know that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34).  Sometimes it is easy to feel frustrated, or even disgusted, with certain individuals that seem to require constant attention.  That’s not how the Lord deals with us.  He desires that we be like Him in our dealings with others- that we choose to love others and treat them with kindness no matter what.  My husband often reminds me as we work with people, “This person is where they are, and being disgusted with them doesn’t help anything.  We need to meet them where they are now and with God’s help try to bring them along.” 

One last word of advice: don’t pump your husband for information when he gets home from meeting with the other elders.  We are not the elders and there are some things that we do not need to know, and in fact, it’s better if we don’t know.  

Be sober, be vigilant; 

because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, 

seeking whom he may devour. 

(1 Peter 5:8)